One:
Mister Bones is an advanced cuddler.

The old song and dance: I would wake up in the middle of a nap, and decide I would be more comfortable if I could breathe properly. It's easier to breathe when there isn't a dog half on top of your ribcage, so I would scoot a couple of inches over. Mister Bones would wake up about ten seconds later, and scoot three inches over farther than I did, and end up half on top of my rib cage again. This would go on until there was not enough room on the bed for me to properly lay down, and so I would bribe him with a milk bone to get up and move over back to his side of the bed. Then it would all start over again.

The new song and dance: He doesn't wait ten seconds to wake up anymore. Sometimes he doesn't even wake up. He just scoots over at the same time I do, so that even while I am in the process of scooting, there is a dog half on top of my ribcage.

Mister Bones is more than an advanced cuddler; he is a barnacle. The photo attached to this post is not staged - he grabbed my arm with his paws, pulled it under his head, and commenced napping.

Two:
Would you like to know a way to find out the diameter of a pipe that is easier than trying to remove melted-on insulation from a twelve length inch of the pipe?

Of course you would.

You can remove the melted-on insulation from half an inch of the pipe, wrap a twist tie around the pipe, measure the length of the twist tie, and then divide that by π.

If there is a sprinkler involved, and the pipe happens to be attached to a faucet that no longer turns off, this will also prevent you from getting any more wet than is absolutely necessary. Ha.

That's what it says in the spot where my fourth grade should be - just NR. NR = Not Reported. This sort of worries me - that was the one where I got an extension, and then went over the extension a little bit. On the other hand, my professor never emailed me to tell me something was wrong. I also know that professors are generally expected to have a seventy two hour turn around on final grades. For a test, this seems okay. But for fifteen to twenty essays, which are themselves fifteen to twenty pages, this seems unfair. Three days to read and grade 225 to 400 pages seems like it would take a herculean effort. And that's just for one class, not multiple classes. In this class, the essay is half of our grade. Three days seems a little aspirational, at the least.

I didn't feel like raising GUAS from the ashes today either. Last night I was watching television because I couldn't stand to look at my computer screen any longer. I spent about nine or ten hours yesterday working on the website and the listproc. Unlike some people who are silly heads who live in Bronxian stomping grounds, I actually like the new site better, and not just because I made it. It has fewer colours and photos, but in my mind that adds up to visually and aesthetically simpler, and therefore more desirable. Take that Joe! Just kidding. I agree that the last site was quite good. For this one, we have no choice but to use a template, and the template is not very customizable. I expect that this is to make it simpler for people who don't build websites, and even out the playing ground for all the professors, departments, organizations, etc. THe only real customization I can do besides the header is with html in the text, and by embedding photos and videos. Even the photos can't be hosted on the site though - the only way it works is by putting them on a flickr stream and using the code. That's strange, but okay. I might just set up a flickr stream for the organization to make it simpler.

The first photo is of Mister Bones helping with the dishes. Mostly he helps by getting in the way or by licking plates as they're loaded into the dishwasher. He looks confused and sad here, because I had just thrown out food instead of giving it to him. Mister Bones doesn't believe in the concept of food going bad, and therefore not being suitable for eating. The second photo is of Mister Bones helping me blog. As you can see, he helps me blog by sitting on my bed and touching my nose with his nose. He slept all day today, until my parents pulled into the driveway in their hippie car, and then he woke up and ran to the front door to meet them when they came in. This morning we made more progress with chomping and dragging. After a round of chomp chomp I showed him how to chomp on my dad's arm and then drag my dad towards me. Then he did it all by himself. Yay for progress! Much like Mister Bones, I also slept all day. I think the sleep deprivation from finals has caught up to me, and I've run out of adrenaline. That's fine - after I sleep it off I'll feel better and return to a normal schedule. Today was a day of being a bum, and it was great. Now I'm going to go continue reading Brooklyn Follies by Paul Auster. I bought it months ago, but was too busy with school to start it until I got on the plane home.

I can say that in all seriousness.

Taking a shower at school is always a mistake - I took one today with the idea that taking a cold temperature shower might lower my fever a bit. Or at least relieve the icky hot scratchy fever-ness of fevers. But no - I forgot that the showers here only have one temperature setting, no matter where the knob is. They start out pleasantly cool and then by the end of the shower the water is scalding hot and there's nothing you can do about it, and you just have to put up with it anyway because you've still got soap and hair conditioner on. Didn't help with the fever any.

English essay due tomorrow. I finally got the second theology essay done this morning, a full twenty four hours after I was supposed to get it done. It turns out the sleepiness was just a precursor to my allergies going haywire. The toxic mold in my room doesn't help. Opening the window doesn't help because yesterday there was lots of lawn work done in the Quad. So, still definitely allergic to inside and outside, except now sometimes I get strangely short of breath. It's sort of like that feeling you get when you hold your breath just a little too long underwater, and let the air out of your lungs because you know there's no oxygen in it so there's no point making the effort to hold it in anyway.

Other things I accomplished today that were not my paper:
Calling L--- to tell her I finished my paper
Finding out I got an A in philosophy
Turning in some library books
Forgetting that Chicken Finger Thursday means that there are Chicken Fingers on Thursdays
Getting distracted by a blog which is, in part, about the non-misogynistic performance of butch gender identity
Returning the 5th grade science poster to the Observatory
Breathing
Unfortunately there was no way I could go to the final project presentation thingy with free pizza last night. Not enough breathing, too much coughing. I was really looking forward to seeing some of the presentations, too. H---- had told me about some of her ideas for a presentation when I saw her in Saxby's on Tuesday and it looked awesomely interesting and funny.

Sunday I go back to Texas. I have settled on one large suitcase, one duffel bag, one small suitcase, and my green canvas bag. Everything else is going to fit into ten storage boxes or be, in the words of J-- (remember - J-- is not Joe!), purged. I think the bold really makes it better; purged isn't nearly as dramatic as purged. I have a plan for Sunday; it goes like this:
Go to Texas
Say Hi to Mister Bones
Sleep
Shower
Eat
Sleep
Play with Mister Bones
Sleep

Maybe some more sleeping. There might not be enough sleeping in that. Also a visit to my allergist, the Apple store, and my hairstylist. Love the jewfro, but it's just too hot in Texas to be practical. Even if I were to keep it, it needs some shaping. It looks weird in the back and around my ears. The photo is of me with a not-really-an-allergy-mask allergy mask the other day. They didn't have allergy masks at CVS or the hardware store on 35th st, and this was close enough. It actually helped a lot for the time I wore it. I am aware that the jewfro doesn't actually look like a jewfro in the photo - I had slept on it and it got all crushed. Also when I'm stressed I have this habit of pulling the curls out of my hair, and they tend to loosen up a lot into waves. Right now, because I took a shower, I am totally rocking the jewfro. Hah! Anyway, about the allergy mask - I was letting my air conditioner dry out (after Lysoling the mold) and had my window open. It was kind of heinous, especially since I'm now immune to my antihistamine. Yay Alien Blood!

I hate being wet. I hate being wet so much that it is impossible to describe how much I hate being wet. Of course, in my infinite wisdom, I forgot to bring an umbrella with me this morning when I went to Baked and Wired to finish my last philosophy paper. It wasn't raining when I was on my way there, but there was a pleasant cool mist.

After a while, I finished my paper, and was triumphant! Until I looked outside and saw the rain. Then I realized that because I had decided not to bring my umbrella, I would have to walk almost a mile back to my dorm in the rain with various electronics in a leather portfolio. Said leather portfolio is waterproof enough, but not entirely waterproof, and this would have caused me more anxiety had I the energy for it.

But I did not have the energy for it, because I was (and am) exhausted. And still sort of sick. Exhausted and wet. Very very exhausted and wet. In order to take my mind off of the exhaustion and wetness and in order to make sure I actually got where I needed to go in a timely fashion, I resorted to singing Air Force cadence songs in my head.

I used the shortest Air Force cadence song I ever learned in Air Force ROTC, which also happens to be the only one I still know. It's the one that makes fun of the Navy pilots, the one that doesn't take any effort to recall - remember the exhaustion?

Now, it's stuck in my head.

And everywhere I go, I have to think consciously about not marching with a military expression on my face. I've found that marching with a military expression on your face is acceptable to other people if you do it in a group, but not so much when you're alone.

I was sitting in Epistles yesterday for the first time in at least a week and doing my very very best to stay upright and conscious (it was a struggle). I noticed that someone sitting beside me had a paper on their desk, ready to present should the opportunity arise. And in the paper, my esteemed classmate has name dropped Tertullian. All well and good - I occasionally enjoy name dropping Tertullian. Except that it was not all well and good, because she spelled it Tartulian, instead of Tertullian. After a while, when my mind started working properly again, I was baffled. At first I thought perhaps she had heard it in class and sounded out the name. That happens. But a logical sounding out of Tertullian would have to include the first 'e' - there's no way to make the jump to an 'a'. So it would have been Tertulian, unless she had heard it from someone who couldn't pronounce it. But that is unlikely, as most people who are aware of Tertullian are at least marginally aware of Latin pronunciation, and the name Tertullian is anglicized from the very similar Latin. I concluded that she must have gotten it from a written source, which also made more sense with the context of the sentence. That means that she had read Tertullian or about Tertullian - which means that she had seen, with her eyes, the name Tertullian. I am still confused about this now, while sitting in Baked & Wired a day later.

This week I have pulled at least two all nighters which were not separated by a full and sufficient night of sleep. Hence the struggle to stay upright. I say 'at least two all nighters' because I'm not actually sure - there may have been more. Wednesday to Thursday I was trying to write two essays and also fit in a research assignment my professor had assigned me and only me on Tuesday. It wasn't a large one, but it would have been extremely daunting if I hadn't run into a reference directing me to the exact page I needed. One of the papers was for the previously mentioned Epistles class. It was due a week ago (more than a week ago, now) I missed class because I was sick, although I had been researching it. The idea was to finish the research and write the paper last night - but I was up all night using two to three times the sources I normally would because I couldn't find anything that related to the topic in the places where I was supposed to be able to find material relating to the topic. And then I went to class, prepared to throw myself upon the mercy of my professor, and found out I'd completely misread the topic.

At one point in that process I was so stressed out that I knew I needed a walk. So I combined the walk with the need for breakfast and coffee and went to B&W. This was on Thursday morning. I was stressed out enough that I got there before they opened (even though I shouldn't have, based on the time it was when I left). I waited on the bench outside of Barnes & Noble on M st. At 6:59 I heard sirens, and decided to wait on the off chance that there was a fire truck. (Just go with it.) There wasn't a fire truck, but there was a presidential motorcade. Which involves many many sirens. I have filled my siren quota for probably the next two years.

Very much awake, I continued on in my quest for coffee. There was a very well executed leaf in my latte. As for the umbrella cookies I mentioned - apparently there was something wrong with the shape of them? I'm not sure - it looked fine to me. They had white frosting and blue and clear sprinkles on the umbrella part. The sprinkles were reminiscent of snow and rain, but not in a gross wintery mix way. In an adorable way. The frosting was sweet, but not too sweet. Not as sweet as the cupcakes, at any rate. They had a homemade taste with interesting undercurrents of ingredients I won't tell you about. But you should try them, and figure it out for yourself. Because they are awesome, and unique.

This morning, I woke up to the sound of fire drill. For anyone not familiar with the sound of fire drill, it is much less pleasant than the sound of sirens. I live in a dorm designated for hearing impaired students, which means our fire drill is different. It is made up of multiple sounds, one of which is very distinctive. I don't really know how to describe it except that it's a bit lower, very grating, and it makes me lose my mind a little bit. Seriously. It is very difficult to remain coherent, and doing so requires lots of focused counting. Very fast focused counting. Lots of it. The first time I heard one I found myself outside without shoes, socks, outerwear, glasses, my room key, my card to get into my building, or my phone. It was also exceedingly cold. Today, I retained enough composure to decide that going out for coffee and breakfast was better than standing around in the quad. Either way I wasn't going to get back to sleep. I only forgot my ipod (for work) and socks, which I consider a significant accomplishment.
Anyway, I had a strawberry cupcake for breakfast at B&W. Awesomely good as usual, especially mixed with latte. The latte had a spade in the foam. I read Kaddish by Leon Weiseltier, which I had to abandon at the beginning of the semester in favour of classes.

I apparently have a ticket to be in the same general location as the pope. I had a rather high fever, and I didn't actually think I would get one. But it seems that it was a ticket-request situation rather than a first-come-first-serve-limited-number-of-tickets situation. They encourage us to wear Georgetown branded clothing. I think I'm going to try to get my hands on one of the 'I [heart] Jesuits' shirts that some group has been selling though - even if the idea is stolen from elsewhere. Word on the street is that when Georgetown people go to Catholic they get treated badly. No idea why. So, that may or may not be interesting. The ticket is strange. There is a dove on it, which is nice except for the part where the dove looks decapitated. And there's a photo of Benedict on it, which is nice except for the part where he looks like he's being held at gunpoint by an unseen assailant. While smiling.

I've ended up back at B&W this afternoon, because I'm predictable. Also because J-- is here. The hibiscus mint tea is great, and so was the carrot cake cupcake. Actually, the carrot cake cupcake might be my new favourite. It isn't as sweet as the others, and because it is carrot cake the texture and flavour are more complex. The carrot is definitely fresh, and the raisins aren't overly plump or overly dry/gritty. Good stuff. J-- for some reason has a problem with carrot cake cupcakes. He thinks carrot cake should only be in cake form. Perhaps it's the 'cake cupcake' construction he takes issue with. I don't know. But I do know that he's silly for refusing to try it.

I'm going to get around to blogging about the lemon cupcake and the red velvet cupcake. And the combination of red velvet cupcake and hot mint tea. Really. I swear.