One:
Mister Bones is an advanced cuddler.

The old song and dance: I would wake up in the middle of a nap, and decide I would be more comfortable if I could breathe properly. It's easier to breathe when there isn't a dog half on top of your ribcage, so I would scoot a couple of inches over. Mister Bones would wake up about ten seconds later, and scoot three inches over farther than I did, and end up half on top of my rib cage again. This would go on until there was not enough room on the bed for me to properly lay down, and so I would bribe him with a milk bone to get up and move over back to his side of the bed. Then it would all start over again.

The new song and dance: He doesn't wait ten seconds to wake up anymore. Sometimes he doesn't even wake up. He just scoots over at the same time I do, so that even while I am in the process of scooting, there is a dog half on top of my ribcage.

Mister Bones is more than an advanced cuddler; he is a barnacle. The photo attached to this post is not staged - he grabbed my arm with his paws, pulled it under his head, and commenced napping.

Two:
Would you like to know a way to find out the diameter of a pipe that is easier than trying to remove melted-on insulation from a twelve length inch of the pipe?

Of course you would.

You can remove the melted-on insulation from half an inch of the pipe, wrap a twist tie around the pipe, measure the length of the twist tie, and then divide that by π.

If there is a sprinkler involved, and the pipe happens to be attached to a faucet that no longer turns off, this will also prevent you from getting any more wet than is absolutely necessary. Ha.